Gram's Memorial

We left on Saturday morning, around 5:45, for a quick trip up to Seattle to celebrate Gram's life.  It was a whirlwind trip.  We arrived in time for a family breakfast, time to check into the rental house we were sharing (with my parents and my brother and Tina), and then back again (to my Aunt and Uncle's) for a family dinner and time of reflection on Gram's life.  Sunday morning, we got up early and walked to a coffee place with my brother and Tina and then everyone headed out.

Seattle was its normal big gray city.  I was thankful for it though because I had an eye infection and my eye was so light sensitive, I could barely see.  Luckily, I had leftover antibiotic drops from the last infection because I didn't have time to go to the eye doctor.



Cousins and second cousins

Sitting around after a big dinner, sharing about Gram.

My brother, thoroughly stuffed with Indian food.

So, this funny picture was an attempt at an in-the-dark selfie that we were creating to send to my brother and Tina at 6:30 in the morning to see if they ready to head out to coffee.  Phil was fiddling with the camera on his phone and all of the sudden it flashed so brightly that we were temporary blinded.  This was the result.  

Time marches on...

...clouds moved across the sky...

...the sun rose...

...there were long evening shadows...

...the sun set.

I have had a very hard time "accepting" Gram's death.  I prayed so much for Gram in the last month of her life.  I saw her just a few weeks before her death.  I held her hand, I cried for her, I watched her endure suffering.  I have thought about her so much...about her life...about her sorrows...about who she was...about my relationship with her...about her passing.  I have wrestled with my sadness, with my faith, who God is in our lives, what our lives mean, the gravity of sin, our life in Christ...or not, with mortality, with aging and watching others age.  Gram's life and passing hit me really hard.  All of my grandparents are now gone.  My Dad's parents passed away when I was in my early to mid 20's.  I wasn't old enough or experienced enough to grasp the relationship of sin and death and I knew nothing of their ending days.  Gramps passed away 8 years ago, on the day I was due with my 4th baby.  I was engrossed in my own life of babies and pregnancy and I didn't know anything about the progression of his dementia and care facilities and what that meant for him.  I feel as though I have aged significantly since then and live in the reality of the rapid progression of our short lives.  I have struggled to see peace in suffering.  I have felt helplessness.   I have questioned goodness and hope in darkness and suffering.  I have thought about the future, about my children sitting with their children and their grandchildren and thinking about me, reflecting on my life.  What will they say?  I have thought about a granddaughter who wrestles just as I am wrestling.  I have thought about a room of 21 people that were there because they are her legacy..and that is powerful. 

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