Discouragement

I think we all have "things" that give us a sense of peace and calm.  For me, having an orderly environment is really important.  Mess, chaos, clutter makes me feel really uncomfortable, overwhelmed, and uninspired.  I have a hard time being motivated when I am surrounded by a visual disaster.  I have lived in a remodel mess with most of our belongings in bags and boxes for 9 full months now, starting with the packing and stacking in our old home on Silver Loop as we worked on fixing up the property/house and moving thing into storage.  And full force for 5 months as we officially moved into our new home.  

Somedays, like today, it just feels like a crushing weight... I get so overwhelmed in all of this and feel like my "job" to school and parent children (especially with the special needs), prepare meals, shop/run errands, clean and keep up on regular chores like dishes and laundry, manage workers, farm management and responsibility, etc.. is just more than I can handle and I am dropping the ball in every aspect of my life.  Especially, when I rarely see Phil anymore.  He is either at work, at a game/extra duty events, or working on the house.  As of now (Friday, 4:30 pm), I have seen him for just a few hours this week.  I miss spending time with him.

I did a little walk through of the house today.  It really couldn't be any more of a disaster than it already is (well, never say never!) and when it is cleaned up even a little, it will be such a relief.   I keep trying to assure myself that it won't be this way forever, that soon we will REALLY move in, that someday these piles will be sorted and organized and put away, that pictures will eventually be up on the walls and a cozy fire will be burning in the woodstove on the hearth, that all the school supplies will be on bookshelves or in their organized totes in the closet and I will have what I need, that there will be a place for shoes and mud/dirt will be contained, that we will have doors on all the rooms and closets and trim work up which will make the house look finished, that I will have an organized and efficient kitchen, that the children's things will have their place, that I will have a little studio to organize my art supplies and maybe, just maybe, time to make felt paintings again....that someday, I will be able to feel relaxed in our home.
















We ordered a ton of landscaping plants and the deer have eaten them.

The school/play room

My new kitchen


Sunrise

Storm lighting 

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