Down the Rabbit Hole


Wouldn't she make a wonderful Alice in Wonderland!





Week 9! I don't feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel just yet but I have endured a good 3 1/2 weeks of morning sickness and I am getting some reprieve in the morning. I am not half way through but toward the end of the first trimester, I start gaining more more time in the morning where I feel better and eventually the evening sickness tapers off. By week 14-16, I am usually at the tail end of it.

The first trimester is such a trial in so many ways. Relationships are affected. I am the mom that is tired, frequently resting on the couch during the day, and in bed early in the evenings. The children miss an interactive mom, one child in particular, and it grieves me. Phil takes over in the evenings managing the children and trying to keep up on the chores. It seems we hardly have any time together and I miss him. I have a hard time staying in the word and concentrating on my relationship with the Lord, when things go South, this is usually the reason! I shared my personal struggles in a post a few posts back but the other piece of it is the fear. Having suffered two miscarriages at the 10 week mark, there is always the worry that the baby has gone home to be with the Lord. Miscarriages are a huge physical and emotional journey and they are hard, really hard. Truthfully, having another baby is a tremendous walk of faith for me. Being a mom is the most challenging thing that I have ever done and family size, parenting, and educational choices that Phil and I have been led to follow puts me at the feet of Jesus on a daily basis. It is a lonely and misunderstood place to be at times. The Lord blesses our family in amazing ways, some that I cannot even comprehend, and another life to raise for Him is another opportunity for the Lord to mold me and shape me into the person that He desires. All I really want is more of Him and less of me, and He uses each incredible little person designed and created by Him as a lesson in what truly matters.
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Comments

  1. JennipherDecember 23, 2010 at 6:47 AM

    This is a beautiful post...and you are a beautiful family. Praying that our Lord gives you grace and strength each day as you walk in the way He has chosen for you. Love you!

    ReplyDelete

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