Refiner's Fire

As I have shared, I have found parenting to be a huge wake up call to my own character flaws and in my spiritual life. I discovered that I did not have a personal intimate relationship with Christ. Sure, I called myself a Christian but did I really understand the price of my salvation and dedicate my life to serving Christ. No, I believed Christ died for me and that was where it ended. How sad to have lost so many years not being in Love with my Savior.

I think now more than ever, things that were left alone, boiling under the surface, have been brought to life. And I struggle, sometimes, more than I think I ever have before. My eyes have been opened to scripture and everything worldly that I accepted has been challenged. I believe spiritual battles have been waged because the Evil One does not want me to have fellowship with Christ nor to be used for His purposes and he most definitely wants the souls of my children. I believe in Refiner's Fire molding me and shaping me as I learn to let go and submit myself to the will of the Lord.

One thing that I struggle with immensely is impatience and being easily frustrated. It boils down to this, I have an anger issue. I didn't realize it before and it is hard to admit. I don't scream and yell. I am not mean toward my husband or my children. I don't have rages or times when I lose control but I CAN speak in a way that is not gentle, I can be grumpy when life is "unfair", I do struggle with feeling frustrated and let out loud sighs and show unkind looks on my face. I have an angry spirit. I have prayed for help in dealing with this sin. Monday, I received a series of CD's that I ordered from SM Davis. I have 3 on anger, 1 on dealing with wrong emotions, 2 on parenting, and 1 on How Satan Wants Your First born. What an answer to prayer!! I have listened to 4 of the sermons so far and they are really amazing. I am seeing the gravity of the problem of anger as illuminated through scripture and how important it is for the welfare of my children (and my marriage) to change my ways. I am amazed at God's answers to prayer and pray further for His strength to break the cycle of anger and sin in my life.

Comments

  1. MichelleJanuary 15, 2009 at 4:58 PM

    I am so glad you are sharing this! I too have been astounded at how motherhood is such a refining process, more growth provoking and challenging than anything else. Give me motherhood any day over any career! I have grown more spiritually and in my character than I ever thought possible! And I still have so much more to go....

    I too have been convicted of how detrimental anger is and am learning of it's many disguises! Anger is not just screaming and yelling! It is a heart attitude, the glasses in which you view the world, your circumstances, and your family members.

    I have appreciated the teachings of SM Davis. I would be interested in the names of the CDs you got, maybe you could email me? In particular the ones that you learned the most from.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

New Boots

Image
Last week, was snowy and cold cold cold, then rainy.  I continued to work on getting the yard cleaned up.  I dug out the ponds and refilled the holes with dirt.  I loaded up rocks, pavers, and bricks.  I cleaned out the water features.  I collected the strawberry runners so I would have starts to plant.  I unloaded 2 loads of bark dust.  The children were a tremendous help.  They loaded an entire trailer of firewood all by themselves and then helped with another load of rocks and bricks.  I am amazed at how much there is to load and fix just in the yard alone.  It is a lot of work for the simple concept of "curb" appeal.   Waiting for the snow to melt so I can put down the bark dust. Even with two pairs of socks, my feet were freezing so I broke down and bought a pair of Muck Boots.  The funny thing is, 2 years ago, I really wanted to have a new pair of winter boots but I just couldn't justify paying so much money just to have ...
Read more

Then Came Dense Fog and the Thunderstorm

Image
Sunday, I woke up to a dense fog and smoke cover combination.  I think this is probably the densest fog I have ever been in. Before the sun came up, it was white.  Once it got lighter outside the smoke color showed through. On the porch, looking toward the swimming pool (North) but unable to see it or the goat barn or the walnut trees. On the porch, looking toward the barn, only able to see the garden before the parking area. Outside the window looking at the tree block, barely 30 feet away. I am not sure how I let Phil talk me into (trying) going to the store...but the fog was supposed to lift by 11:00 and we were scheduled to gather at the Rawie's for church and I needed ingredients to put together something for the potluck.  (We ended up having to cancel our homechurch.) Our mailbox, we couldn't see any cars, so we had to roll down the windows and listen.  I was already terrified at this point and didn't want to continue. After having to slam on his brakes multipl...
Read more

More Hats

Image
The Etsy shop is still a work in progress and unfortunately the name Over the Top is already taken.  I have been tossing around the names Tip Top and Whimsy.  I managed to get 7 hats made during the month of November.  I have a couple that I can put on Etsy when we are ready to list them and several Christmas hats made for the children.  I have been timing how long it takes me to make a hat and I am surprised (and not in a good way LOL) at the number of hours I spend.  A baby hat takes over 5-6 hours, a child's hat takes about 7-8 hours, and an adult hat 10 plus hours.  It takes even longer if I decide to tear out the stitching because it isn't looking the way I had imagined.  The more yarn variety I use, the longer it takes me to weave in the ends.  I usually spend over an hour just with a tapestry needle making all the ends secure.  Minimum wage plus materials puts the hats in the 50-80 dollar range.  Yikes!  I would never pay th...
Read more