Thoughts to share with you
This is yesterday’s post that I didn’t finish:
I have been meaning to post for awhile but some subject matter requires more concentrative writing. I have had a lot of time to ponder and reflect and have been waiting for an opportunity to share some things that are on my heart.
First, let me say, four years ago, on this day, Sawyer, made his grand appearance. From that day forth, life has never and will never be the same. Also, on this day 2 ½ years ago, Jubilee made her grand appearance. And again, from that day forth, life has never and will never be the same. There is nothing like the precious gift of our children to teach us about life, about ourselves, about the Lord, and to melt away the days and weeks into years. How wonderful it is to sit here and be the mother of a four year old, a 2 ½ year old, and an 11 month old with future hopes of more. I am so blessed!
Second, Happy Thanksgiving! In a time of uncertainty, I am so thankful that my husband has a steady job, that we have a warm cozy home, plenty of good food for our table, our health, and the freedom to live our lives the way the Lord leads us. It is easy to become discouraged in a world of consumerism and meism during the Holiday season. I am putting my focus on being thankful and enjoying the gifts that the Lord has bestowed on us!
Today’s post:
It has been a week today since we learned that our baby is with Jesus. While I mourn for what could have been, I know that I have two little ones waiting to meet me and I know that they are happy and joyful and know no sorrows!
I must say that last Friday, I was very discouraged in my faith. I was angry because I felt the Lord disappointed me. I wanted a miracle. I wanted to have an experience of answered prayers and hopes renewed and it didn’t happen. Saturday, was a day of coping. Sunday, was a day of letting go. The only explanation that I can give for moving forward so quickly is that I was filled with the Peace that Passes Understanding. I know that our family (and me specifically) was lifted up in prayer by so many people and I honestly think that the Lord gave His miracle here. I have experienced such a sense of rest in the Lord, knowing that He is in control and that His ways are not my own and He has a plan for me and for my family. I felt as though I was foraging ahead with my own agenda and ideas and feel a relief, knowing that I don’t have to have it all planned and figured out, I just need to submit to His will and agenda, to cry out to the Lord and to listen. What freedom in this knowledge.
We were so incredibly blessed to have meals provided for us Monday through Wednesday. This was so thoughtful and amazingly helpful to not have to worry about cooking and a big cleanup. What a gift it is to know that people (that our church body) is there for us in a time of need.
On the scientific front, I went through the stage that I like to call the bathtub and vicodin stage Tuesday. I was very uncomfortable with cramping most of the day and a hot hot hot water bottle and the couch were my combative tools. Things picked up as soon as I got the children in bed for naps. I called Phil to come home the minute his students left and then spent the next 3 hours in the bathtub “laboring”. I took a vicodin which took the edge off and Phil set up the laptop with a movie. Truly truly truly, the creation of life is a miracle. Going through a miscarriage really gives you an opportunity to appreciate a healthy pregnancy and the process that your body goes through to protect and grow a little one from the instant of life to your arms.
I will leave you with this thought: In a time of pain and feeling such a lack of understanding, my dear friend Michelle told me, “This is not insignificant.” What a hope there is in these words.
I have been meaning to post for awhile but some subject matter requires more concentrative writing. I have had a lot of time to ponder and reflect and have been waiting for an opportunity to share some things that are on my heart.
First, let me say, four years ago, on this day, Sawyer, made his grand appearance. From that day forth, life has never and will never be the same. Also, on this day 2 ½ years ago, Jubilee made her grand appearance. And again, from that day forth, life has never and will never be the same. There is nothing like the precious gift of our children to teach us about life, about ourselves, about the Lord, and to melt away the days and weeks into years. How wonderful it is to sit here and be the mother of a four year old, a 2 ½ year old, and an 11 month old with future hopes of more. I am so blessed!
Second, Happy Thanksgiving! In a time of uncertainty, I am so thankful that my husband has a steady job, that we have a warm cozy home, plenty of good food for our table, our health, and the freedom to live our lives the way the Lord leads us. It is easy to become discouraged in a world of consumerism and meism during the Holiday season. I am putting my focus on being thankful and enjoying the gifts that the Lord has bestowed on us!
Today’s post:
It has been a week today since we learned that our baby is with Jesus. While I mourn for what could have been, I know that I have two little ones waiting to meet me and I know that they are happy and joyful and know no sorrows!
I must say that last Friday, I was very discouraged in my faith. I was angry because I felt the Lord disappointed me. I wanted a miracle. I wanted to have an experience of answered prayers and hopes renewed and it didn’t happen. Saturday, was a day of coping. Sunday, was a day of letting go. The only explanation that I can give for moving forward so quickly is that I was filled with the Peace that Passes Understanding. I know that our family (and me specifically) was lifted up in prayer by so many people and I honestly think that the Lord gave His miracle here. I have experienced such a sense of rest in the Lord, knowing that He is in control and that His ways are not my own and He has a plan for me and for my family. I felt as though I was foraging ahead with my own agenda and ideas and feel a relief, knowing that I don’t have to have it all planned and figured out, I just need to submit to His will and agenda, to cry out to the Lord and to listen. What freedom in this knowledge.
We were so incredibly blessed to have meals provided for us Monday through Wednesday. This was so thoughtful and amazingly helpful to not have to worry about cooking and a big cleanup. What a gift it is to know that people (that our church body) is there for us in a time of need.
On the scientific front, I went through the stage that I like to call the bathtub and vicodin stage Tuesday. I was very uncomfortable with cramping most of the day and a hot hot hot water bottle and the couch were my combative tools. Things picked up as soon as I got the children in bed for naps. I called Phil to come home the minute his students left and then spent the next 3 hours in the bathtub “laboring”. I took a vicodin which took the edge off and Phil set up the laptop with a movie. Truly truly truly, the creation of life is a miracle. Going through a miscarriage really gives you an opportunity to appreciate a healthy pregnancy and the process that your body goes through to protect and grow a little one from the instant of life to your arms.
I will leave you with this thought: In a time of pain and feeling such a lack of understanding, my dear friend Michelle told me, “This is not insignificant.” What a hope there is in these words.
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